Dec 16, 2009

Come Celebrate the Winter Holidays with The Outfit!

This Friday, December 18
7 - 10PM
Plan B in Wicker Park (1635 N Milwaukee)

There will be white elephant gifts, but I don't think there will be any of the pain that is normally part of that game.
Please come party down with us. We want to tell you how much we miss you, but it has to be in person.

Spotlight On... #666 Suzie Crotchrot

You couldn't tell it from the name, but Suzie Crotchrot is probably the unofficial "jokester" of the Chicago Outfit. What a crazy character THIS one is!
If she ain't crackin' bones, she's crackin' wise! Oh ho ho ho!
If she ain't splittin' heads, she's splittin' sides! Hee hee hee
When the penalty box timer tells her to stand, she takes that as a cue to do standup comedy! Ah ha ha ha!
When she's told to go out and jam, she breaks out a guitar and plays Van Halen! Heh heh heh heh!
She tells jokes! [chokes on own saliva]
Anyway, this Spotlight works best if you play each YouTube clip as it comes up. Enjoy the comedy, everyone.
[slips on banana peel; falls into bottomless pit]

Sports before roller derby: Long Distance Projectile Puking, reigning champ since '94.

Signature move: My signature move is hitting on your younger brother when you aren't looking.

Notable injuries: My only notable injury was "messing up my knee." I still don't know exactly what happened to it, but the S.O.B. took me out for a majority of the season. Not being able to bout and practice with my ladies was a sad feeling. With that said, I fell so hard on my butt that I got this crack in it now. Can this be fixed?

Best team derby moment: SWEEPING the Fall Brawl 2008 Non-WFTDA bracket. When the Outfit first joined up in late 2007 they got together the few girls they had, scribbled Chicago Outfit on whatever white shirts they had and signed up to play the Fall Brawl '07 and were eliminated in the very first round. When we were invited back to the tournament in 2008, it was a COMPLETELY different story. The league had been working really hard and bouting some solid teams that season. All we really wanted to do was just play hard and do the damn thing. We came in as a force and wanted to show the derby world that we meant some serious fucking business, and we did. There's an epic group picture of us when we received our trophy and everyone just looks so happy.

Best personal derby moment: When I received the Rookie of the Year 2008 award. I had no idea that I would even be considered for that and was completely floored when I heard my name get called. Very honorable mention goes to all derby road trips in Chico or Sweet's car where we laughed the hardest and shared the best stories.

Favorite/rival non-Outfit skater: Ying O Fire and Hoosier Mama of WCR, Maura Buse of the Boston Derby Dames

Number of tattoos: I have 7 tattoos, with plenty more on their way. Sorry, mom! At least I'm not bleaching my hair blonde?

What you do when you're not skating: Flirting with you and taking your tips at New Wave Coffee; preparing for the Zombie apocalypse.

Favorite place in Chicago: (1) The Orbit Room. Ali the bartender is the best!!! (2) Irazu, for delicious Costa Rican food on the cheap. (3) Quimby's Book Store, for sweet books and zines. (4) Anywhere Dj Zebo spins for funfunsuperhappy dancepartytime.

Favorite drink: The blood of infants, chilled, in a highball glass.

Movie you hate that everyone else likes: The Saw series. What are they up to now? 6? How did that even happen?! I'll seriously judge you if you say that's one of your favorite movies. Honorable mention also goes to Twilight. (Sorry, Smashley.)

Favorite article of clothing: I am a t-shirt queen. Every time I go out of town or out in general, I will go out of my way to find a shop with some neat t-shirts to add to the arsenal. Horror/roller derby/local band shirts run my collection for the most part. My favorite out of those has to be my Return of the Living Dead t-shirt with reworked cover art that has "Do You Wanna Party? It's Party Time" printed on the front and the sleeves cut off. I hate sleeves. I will cut the sleeves off of every damn shirt I have!

Guilty pleasures: Picking my nose, popping zits, looking up videos of French Bulldog puppies doing cute things.

Tell us something you probably shouldn't: I can be sweet. Don't go expecting it, though!

Give us some advice: Eat two raw cloves of garlic before you go to bed and after you wake up to make your cold ease up. I SWEAR IT WORKS.

Draw yourself in MSPaint:

And that's all she wrote... literally! These are the jokes, folks!
[gets hooked offstage]

Dec 9, 2009

Spotlight On... #08 Erin Watershow

Holy guacamole. We are back. Who is the skater that will be showing us a window into her mind this week? It's Erin Watershow, dudes and dudettes.
Fun fact: Erin takes her name from Chicago's Air & Water Show. For an amount of time this blog editor is embarrassed to admit, he thought the Smithsonian National Air & Space Museum was actually called the "Aaron Space Museum." He wondered who this Aaron guy was and what kind of space adventures he had to give the government enough reason to name a space museum after him. Never mind the fact he had been inside and seen a lot of non-space aircraft on display. Idiot.
Anyway, on with the Erin Watershowing.

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: Last winter, my roommate came home from work one day with a flyer and asked, "Would you maybe wanna try out for roller derby with me?" and I was like "Hell yeah!" A month later, I went to my first new recruit practice; it was love at first sight.

Sports before roller derby: Mainly dance. I studied ballet, tap, and jazz from the time I could walk until I graduated high school. I also did synchronized swimming (yes, really) as well as swim team.

Best team derby moment: One word: ROLLERCON

Best personal derby moment: Coming back and defeating Demolition City's B Team this summer with the Shade Brigade [the Outfit's B Team]. I have never been prouder of myself or my teammates.

Worst personal derby moment: If I told you, I'd have to kill you :)

Favorite/rival non-Outfit skater: I developed a bit of a derby crush watching Smarty Pants play at RollerCon.

Number of tattoos: 1, a tooth! I come from a family of dentists. Six to be exact, soon to be seven.

Still-to-come tattoos: I really want the Goodyear blimp on my left arm to show my hometown pride. Akron, Ohio: it's the rubber capital of the world.

What you do when you're not skating: I work for a children's photographer, blotting the drool off of kids' faces.

Favorite place in Chicago: The Alfred Caldwell Lily Pool in Lincoln Park. If you haven't been there, go.

Favorite word: "Unscathed." I like the way it feels when you say it.

Guilty pleasures: Suzie's cheese fries and milkshakes, watching Lost, listening to Kiss FM, and collecting old crap that serves no purpose but to clog up my shelves (old broken cameras, typewriters, cool trophies, outdated globes, thermoses, the list goes on and on)

Tell us something you probably shouldn't: Sometimes I won't do my laundry for months. Once my hamper is full, I'll pile the overflow of dirty clothes onto my bed and just carve out a little space to sleep in.

Give us some advice: "Fear the goat from the front, the horse from the rear, and (wo)man from all sides."

Draw yourself in MSPaint: I went to art school. Can you tell?

Please, folks, support art in your local schools.
Thanks for the good times today, E. Watershow. Maybe we can all go for a ride sometime on the S.S. Outfit, though it doesn't really look like it could carry more than a few stick figures. Guess it's time for all of us to hit the gym.

Dec 2, 2009

Spotlight On... #M80 Sweet Mary Pain

Welcome back, folks. Today, we meet with the captain and peer-voted Most Valuable Player of the 2009 Chicago Outfit (and champion of the United States), Sweet Mary Pain. Given her work ethic, it's not surprising Sweet Mary Pain takes a somewhat straightforward, professional angle in her responses. Maybe if you make enough silly faces at her, you might see her crack a smile.

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: I first heard of the Rat City Rollergirls many years ago when i was living in Ithaca, NY. Without any explanation of the game, I knew I wanted to play. Unfortunately, Ithaca didn't have a league at the time, and I had to wait until I moved to Chicago in September 2007 to join what would become the Chicago Outfit.

Sports before roller derby: I played a million sports before derby in high school including, Swimming, Tennis, Volleyball, Basketball and Soccer, yeah, I'm kinda a jock. While I don't think I'm necessarily more athletic than anyone as a result of my experience with sports, I do think I had a better understanding of the formula of coaching and practice than most people do coming into sports for the first time.

Signature move: I wouldn't say I really have a signature move. When I first started jamming, I was a juking fool and would waste all my energy with a lame fakes left and right that didn't really work. I've calmed it down since then, 'cause one very convincing juke is much more effective than a bunch of lame wiggling behind a blocker. Hopefully now my juking is a little more convincing and effective.

Notable injuries: I've been very lucky with injuries. They've all been minor. I've broken a rib, twisted my knee, broken a dumb pinky finger, and finally had concussion or two. The worst was totally the concussion. I don't like my brain getting busted. It feels weird.

Best team derby moment: There are so many awesome team moments with the Outfit both on and off the track it's hard to pick just one. I have on the track moments when our replacement blocking is on point and we just relentlessly push the opposing jammer one after the other to the outside of the track. Replacement blocking, although it's a simple strategy, only works when the team is really functioning cohesively and when the skaters are willing to temporarily abandon their position in the pack, trusting their teammates will pick up where they left off. It's those moments when we exhibit the most trust in our teammates that gives me that special feeling.

Best personal derby moment: I don't really have a best personal derby moment. There are some instances where I certainly feel great about a particular jam but mostly I tend to fixate on the things I need to work on. This isn't necessarily destructive or negative. Being able to recognize what I have to improve on makes it more achievable.

Worst personal derby moment: The worst derby moments for me only happen off the track. It's been a lot of work for me learning how to communicate with my teammates constructively and with empathy. I'm extremely diligent and have very high standards for myself, and in the beginning, it was hard not to hold all skaters to my personal standards. Of course, that was unfair, and I've been working on trying to be more motivating and accessible to the rest of my teammates. I guess the hardest part has been understanding complicated team dynamics.

Favorite/rival non-Outfit skater: I have a million players that I love to watch and learn from. I try to watch girls that are successful with my body type and play my position. Right now I am very interested in DeRanged from Rocky Mountain Rollergirls. She's a former speed skater turned jammer who is just awesome and aggressive.

What you do when you're not skating: When I'm not skating, I'm studying and that's all, ugh. I'm in a premed post bach program at Northwestern, and one day, many years from now, if everything goes right, I could be your doctor. Yeah, get scared.

Sweet Mary Pain declined to draw herself in MSPaint, so it looks like we're going to have to do it ourselves.

Aw, jeez. Why'd you have to go and do that to The Shoveler, everyone's favorite referee? He even gave you lead. What more do you want? And you know he hates it when skaters exploit the lack of rules on laser beam eyes.
Okay, enough of this nonsense. Join us next week when we look for more ways to alter images so it looks like we are killing referees.

Nov 25, 2009

Spotlight On... #138 Lola Blow

This week, we visit with Lola Blow, one of the most experienced veterans on the Outfit. Lola shows us she's a good sport by broadcasting her subconscious thoughts on diapers, celiac disease, and pretty much everything we never thought we would ever know about another person.

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: It was in 2005. Some crazy, hyper girl with red hair that skated for an old league called the Sirens ran up to me while I was somewhere in Logan Square and asked, "Hey, do you skate?" I replied with, "Uh... no... like skateboard?" And she goes, "No roller skate! I play roller derby. You should come check out our practice." She insisted I take a flyer. So I took one, went to a practice, and 4 years and 3 concussions later, I'm still skating!

Sports before roller derby:
I never really stuck with any sports before roller derby, mainly because I was always very small growing up, and for some reason, softball and volleyball coaches didn't think that smaller girls could be as good as those Amazon women. They never really gave me any playtime, although I most certainly didn't suck. I quit and joined roller derby. I showed them idiots.

Signature move:
Sandwiching the opposing jammer with my fellow teammate Smashley. We will both hip check you at the same time, and you'll have nowhere to go but on the floor. I also have a shoulder check that can knock anyone down.

Notable injuries:
Sprained knee, busted lip, three concussions, and a swelbow the size of china. Wanna see?

Best team derby moment:When we won the 2008 Fall brawl Tournament. We left undefeated. I think we all cried tears of happiness together. Then we drank a million drinks of happiness afterward!

Best personal derby moment:
Stealing a sign from a insane Jesus freak with my old teammate and homie Althea N Hell in Vegas after we skated with the Vagine Regime. [image kinda NSFW]

Worst personal derby moment:
When I peed my pants during a game from getting hit so hard. Believe it.

Favorite/rival non-Outfit skater:
Mayhemily. I'm always a Renegade at heart.

What you do when you're not skating: Obsessively research ways to be the strongest derby girl and live forever by taking Chinese herbs and vitamins.

Favorite drink:
Tequila gimlet, with fresh squeezed lime juice please! Oh and I love Kombucha - Ginger flavor.

Music you hate that everyone else likes:
Kings of Leon. They are too damn whiny, but everyone around me loves them.

Favorite song to skate to: 'Dookie Booty' or 'Poison' by Bel Biv DeVoe

Guilty pleasures:
That song 'Just Throw It in the Bag', and waxing my nose hairs

Give us some advice: STOP EATING GLUTEN. It's bad for you.

Tell us something you probably shouldn't:
I feel like peeing my pants during the middle of a game could have been kept to myself, but since I did, I'll tell you something else. I stopped shaving my armpits because they started smelling really bad after I would shave them. So now they are hairy...and not smelly! Oh, and I got a staph infection from my kneepads. It's fine now, but seriously... wash your pads all the time. Staph is bad news. I feel much closer with you now, reader.

Finally, draw yourself in MSPaint:

We... appreciate(?) your honesty with everything, Lola.

Come back next week for another skater's entry, hopefully with fewer references to pants peein'. No promises, though.

Nov 18, 2009

Spotlight On... #100 Smashley "The Spaniard" Destructo

Ah, the offseason. We can't watch them skate, so it's time to get to learn a little bit more about our skaters.
In our first installment of Spotlight On..., we meet with Smashley "The Spaniard" Destructo and let her go nuts with material that might come back to haunt her several decades down the line.

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: In April of 2007, I went to a [former Chicago roller derby league] Sirens bout at Lynwood Skating Rink. I instantly fell in love with roller derby and knew it had to become my life. I emailed the Sirens the following day to find out how I could get involved with the league.

Sports before roller derby: Softball, horseback riding, and kickboxing

Signature move: Anything with my ass ... hahaha, they don't call me 'Smassley' for nothing. But I would call my signature move "The Stunner." Your chest should never come in contact with my shoulder because you may think you're having an asthma attack.

Notable injuries: I've been lucky in the injury department. Six months after I started derby, I fell pretty badly from the pivot, Perky Set. My knee was injured and I had to go on sabbatical for 2 months. Besides that ... just bruises, some have been in places that they don't belong.

Best team derby moment: Both Fall Brawls that The Chicago Outfit attended. In the fall of '07, we lost every bout we played but our bonding was miraculous and our partying was even better. It was even sweeter when we came back the next year and won the tournament by being undefeated.

Best personal derby moment: When derby finally made sense to me and I didn't have that confused sensation any more. It was an 'Ahh Ha!' moment.

Worst personal derby moment: Playing against Rockford Rage in our first season. I was jamming full speed through the pack with I received an elbow to my sternum and it knocked me out cold. I blacked out and then began hyperventilating. It was super embarrassing.

Favorite/rival non-Outfit skater: Tin Lizzy from North Star Roller Girls... all I have to say is BAD ASS

Number of tattoos: Five, not including the cover up

What you do when you're not skating: You thought the girls on the track are hard... nothing compared to my first graders. I live a life of juggling my career as a first grade teacher, getting my masters as a reading specialist, and playing roller derby for The Chicago Outfit.

Favorite place in Chicago: I really enjoy going to New Wave Cafe (a great place to grade papers) and spending my Sunday mornings at the Farmer's Market with Suzie Crotchrot.

Food/movie/music you hate that everyone else likes: Vegetables/Dogma/Bjork

Guilty pleasures: Books about vampires. What can I say? It's sexy.

Tell us something you probably shouldn't: I just did.

Give us some advice: "For every negative, give three positives."

Finally, draw yourself in MSPaint:

(click to enlarge)

Stay tuned for more in the coming weeks, folks!

Nov 13, 2009

Join Our Family!

Feelin' bored? I can't really blame you. I mean... just LOOK at you. You're not a derby girl!

The Chicago Outfit is having rolling recruitment in the next few months, and we would be honored to release you of your boredom.

If you're interested, email Your reasons for not doing it are objectively bad.

Oct 26, 2009

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Just in time for Christmas, Berlin Nightclub presents The Rocky Horror Picture Show this Tuesday night to benefit the Chicago Outfit. Hasn't it been years since you last ventured out to a late-night showing of this sing-along? Even if you went last week, it's still about time you went again. And if you've never been, you're in for a treat.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show @ Berlin Nightclub
954 W Belmont, Chicago
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009, @ 10:00pm

Oct 20, 2009

Outfit in the YouTubes: Food Networked

This is an oldie, albeit a goodie.

Food Network's Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives did a piece on Chicago restaurant Kuma's Corner. Some Outfit skaters were there during the shoot, and host Guy Fieri is surprised by the strength of their stomachs.

No word yet from WFTDA whether or not sunglasses worn on the back of the head will be a uniform requirement henceforth. (If you're reading this, I think it would really help the sport, you guys!)

Oct 13, 2009

Outfit in the YouTubes

Some recent videos from a website that is popular with folks these days.

In a three-part entry, a handful of Outfit skaters stopped by the Heartland Cafe to discuss derby on 'Live from the Heartland,' a weekly radio show on WLUW 88.7 FM.

Part 1 is here; Parts 2 and 3 can be accessed at the end of each preceding video.

During a time that was obviously warmer, some members of the Outfit out flyering in Wrigleyville for an upcoming bout got stopped by Billy Dec talking about the upcoming Chicago Olympic bid. Does anyone know what ended up happening with that? Please let me know.

Remember sunnier times.

Outfit in the News: Suburbzzzz

Harley Dangerson, Stiletto Nightmare, and newcomer Yama show up in an article about "roller derby" in the Des Plaines publication Journal Online. Check out the story by using your "cursor" to "click" on this "hyperlink."

The height of the person is key in knowing how happy she is to be getting her picture taken

Oct 5, 2009

I Love a Woman In Uniform: EXPO BOUT!

Come watch members of the Chicago Outfit take on EACH OTHER in an expo bout for the ages and for all ages.

The Mother Cuffers versus The Hose Beasts

Sunday, October 18 @ 9:00pm
$7 entry

Fleetwood Roller Rink
7231 W Archer Ave
Summit, IL 60501

this is gonna be groovy

Sep 28, 2009

Saturday Results

Bout 1: Outfit Shade Brigade 105, Stateline 64
Bout 2: Outfit Syndicate 147, Toronto 28

Recaps to follow.

The Outfit would like to thank everyone who showed up for their final bout of the season. We will see you next year!

Sep 21, 2009

FINAL BOUT of the 2009 Season: They'll Never Take Us Alive

WHAT: Double your pleasure with a double-header of WOMEN'S FLAT TRACK ROLLER DERBY!

WHO: A bunch of folks, so pay attention here...
Bout 1: The Chicago Outfit Shade Brigade vs. Stateline Roller Derby Divas
Bout 2: The Chicago Outfit Syndicate vs. CN Power (Toronto, ON).

WHEN: Saturday, September 26, 2009. Doors open at 6:00pm. Bout 1 starts at 6:30pm.

WHERE: Windy City Fieldhouse @ 2367 West Logan Blvd. Chicago, IL 60647. See below for a map.

WHY: Why? WHY?
(1) Partial proceeds benefit Bridgeport Veterinarian Services.
(2) threeeeee dooollaaarrrrr beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer

HOW: Tickets are $15 ahead of time and $20 at the door.

Buy tickets online or visit one of our friendly vendors: Quenchers Saloon, Armory Chicago, Milios Hair Studio, Novem, or Uprise Skate Shop.

View Larger Map

Sep 13, 2009

Syndicate Keeps It Going Against Demolition City, Wins 164 - 26

After their July 18 victory over Motor City Disassembly Line, the Chicago Outfit Syndicate had been eagerly awaiting their next bout without much to do beyond practicing hard and marking off days on the calendar. Two weeks before they could skate, the Outfit's B Team—the Shade Brigade—traveled to Evansville, IN, on August 22 to take on Demolition City's B Team—the Destruction Dames. After pulling out a come-from-behind 53 - 48 victory in a 40-minute bout, the Brigade stuck around to watch Demolition City's A Team—the Dynamite Dolls—skate to victory thanks to several big hits that had many in the crowd looking for cover. The girls of the Brigade reported back home with tales of shoulder hits and flying bodies. The Dynamite Dolls would surelynot be holding anything back when they came to Chicago for a September 5 bout. When the day finally came and push came to shove, however, this wasn't enough, as the Outfit derby-danced to a familiar tune and won 164 - 26 in front of hundreds of screaming fans at the Windy City Fieldhouse in Logan Square.

Looking to avenge both the Destruction Dames' loss and their own 2008 loss to the Outfit at home, Demolition City needed to get off to a fast start. In the opening jam, hopes were high as Godjilla snatched up lead jammer before Outfit jammer and captain Sweet Mary Pain could break through the pack. Sweets, however, immediately broke through and sped past Godjilla, forcing her to call off the jam before either could score. Outfit fan-favorite Queefer Sutherland came in and racked up two grand slams on her way to a 10-point Jam 2 while her blockers kept the Dolls' Lilith of the Valley from breaking the pack. After Jam 3 saw Demolition City's Shelby N Pain put up 3 points to make it 10 - 3, the Outfit flipped on their oft-used switch that would leave the visitors in the dust the rest of the night. The home team went on a 37 - 0 run to start out their 74 - 9 run for the remainder of the half, thanks to not only strong defense (holding Demolition City scoreless in all but 3 first-half jams), but also strong jams from Kim Mortal (11 points in Jam 4), Sweet Mary Pain (13 points in Jam 9), Jennie Lee VonSlaughter (10 points in Jam 10), and another turn from Queefer Sutherland (14 points in Jam 18). With an 84 - 12 halftime lead, things were once again looking up for the Outfit.

Lola Blow takes on DC jammer Macabrera as Photon Pixie looks on

Much to the chagrin of the few Demolition City fans that made the 7-hour drive, the second half echoed the first. These folks found themselves again cursing the names of Sweet Mary Pain (10 points in the second half's opening jam), Kim Mortal (10 points in Jam 4), and Queefer Sutherland (13 points in Jam 6). Chicago's blockers carried their first-half dominance into the second period, with pivots Gaygan and Smashley "The Spaniard" Destructo leading the group and Photon Pixie offering Demolition City jammers more than a handful of hard hits at the rear of the pack. Thanks to play like this, the Outfit's defense was able to shut out the Dynamite Dolls in 11 second-half jams, giving them golden goose eggs in 26 of the bout's 34 jams. At the sound of the final horn, the Outfit found themselves on the proper side of a 164 - 26 outcome.

Queefer Sutherland (53 points/8 jams) and Sweet Mary Pain (52 points/10 jams) led the way for Chicago jammers, who also got scoring passes from Kim Mortal (29 points/5 jams), Graves (12 points/3 jams), Jennie Lee VonSlaughter (10 points/5 jams), and The Joan Ranger (8 points/3 jams). The Dynamite Dolls got their own scoring help from Godjilla (8 points/9 jams), Lilith of the Valley (7 points/9 jams), Shelby N Pain (6 points/7 jams), and Hazardous (5 points/3 jams).

Queefer Sutherland leads the way

The Syndicate now stands at 6 - 0 in 2009 bouts, winning each by an average score of 148 - 46. With recent acceptance into the WFTDA Apprentice Program, next year should bring in some of the country's best teams for both individual bouts and tournament play. While they are excited for this prospect, the Outfit still needs to close out the 2009 Season. They will do just that in the second half of a derby double-header on Saturday, September 26, when they take on Toronto's CN Power at the Windy City Fieldhouse; the Shade Brigade skates against the State Line Derby Divas in the opener of the night. Tickets are now available online.

All photos by Shoot To Kill.

2009 Syndicate Bout Results

September 5 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 164 - Demolition City Dynamite Dolls (Evansville, IN) 26

July 18 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 155 - Motor City Disassembly Line (Detroit, MI) 40

June 27 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 170 - Pikes Peak Slamazons 36

June 6 (away): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 137 - Killamazoo Derby Darlins (Kalamazoo, MI) 55

May 16 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 118 - Sonoma County (CA) 69

March 21 (away): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 142 - G-Rap Attack! (Grand Rapids, MI) 52

Record: 6 - 0

Aug 30, 2009

SHOOT TO KILL Book in the Works

From Danyel of Shoot To Kill Photography

Many of you have seen or been part of the SHOOT TO KILL BATHROOM PHOTOS. Finally the middle stages of book planning is under way... I am using a creative project fundraising site to help accomplish some of the funding goals. For now I have linked it to my domain name.

The Kickstarter is basically a way to presell the book. The goal is reasonably reachable, so even pledges of $5 will make a difference. The kickstarter site is also a way to keep backers posted about progress.

Aug 25, 2009

Help Tequila at Our Next Bout!


Tequila Mockingbird has been a roller girl since 2004 and is known for always hustling and pushing herself, being a role model for all skaters, and helping her team win 2 championships. On August 25, 2007, Tequila Mockingbird, a veteran Chicago roller derby player for The Fury, fell and seriously injured her spinal cord during a bout. That night her team huddled in the hospital and vowed to support her throughout her recovery. Since that day, Tequila has returned home and works daily in therapy to regain her strength and physical abilities. She has regained some movement in all of her limbs and due to sheer perseverance and hard work, she is using the walking machine and swimming with the assistance of her physical therapists. As she approaches the two year anniversary of her accident, she is positive about the direction of her recovery and thanks all who have helped her along the way. There is still work to be done and she still needs your help.

There are two ways you can help Tequila:

(1) In observance of the two year anniversary of her injury, donate $2.00 (or more) today by visiting the donation page on

(2) Come to The Chicago Outfit's next bout on September 5 at the Windy City Fieldhouse. Partial proceeds from ticket sales will help aid Tequila in her recovery.


WHO: The Chicago Outfit Syndicate takes on the visiting Demolition City Dynamite Dolls (Evansville, IN).

WHEN: Saturday, September 5, 2009. Doors open at 7:00pm. Bout starts at 8:00pm.

WHERE: Windy City Fieldhouse @ 2367 West Logan Blvd. Chicago, IL 60647. See below for a map.

WHY: Partial proceeds benefit Tequila Mockingbird, a Chicago skater who suffered a severe spinal cord injury during a 2007 bout.

HOW: Tickets are $12 ahead of time and $15 at the door.

Buy tickets online or visit one of our friendly vendors: Quenchers Saloon, Armory Chicago, Milios Hair Studio, Novem, or Uprise Skate Shop.

View Larger Map

Aug 10, 2009

This Week's Fundraiser #2: Michael Jackson Tribute Party

(Click for larger version)

So I guess there was this singer (I think? maybe a guitar player?) named Michael Jackson. I heard people called him the "King of Pop," probably because of some kind of love he had for Royal Crown Cola. I don't know. He might have been a local artist, and I didn't grow up around here when I hear he was popular. Sorry.

My cousin's friend told me something about him a few weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure it had to do with him retiring(?). Apparently, some people on The Outfit heard of this guy (maybe family friends?), and they were saddened by his departure from music, so they wanted to put together some kind of tribute to him.

4115 N Lincoln, just north of the intersection of Damen and Irving Park




and, of course
made possible by Chicago's own Neverland, an MJ Cover Band

Come out and support both The Outfit and our departed King!

Neverland on MySpace
Horseshoe on MySpace

This Week's Fundraiser #1: Raising Dough at Pompei

(Click for larger version)

On Tuesday, August 11, if you order food from the Lakeview location of Pompei, a local Italian eatery, be sure to drop our names.

When you place your order, mention The Chicago Outfit to get 20% of your meal cost donated to us. We are 99% sure that 20% of your food does not get donated to us, so rest easy, friend.

Hey, are you gonna finish that?

Aug 4, 2009

Come Try Out on Tuesday, August 11!!


Of course you do! Come try out for The Chicago Outfit!

Tuesday, August 11th, 6:00-8:00pm
Fleetwood Roller Rink
7231 W. Archer Ave. at Harlem, Summit, IL 60501.

-You must be 18 years of age or older.
-You must bring all your own protective gear. This includes knee pads, mouth guard, helmet, elbow pads, and wrist guards.
-Skates can be rented if you don't have your own
-No individual insurance required, but you MUST purchase USARS insurance at tryouts ($15 day pass or $55 covers you until December)

No skating experience is necessary, but it is, of course, welcome. Tryouts are based on the WFTDA minimum requirements, but don't let that intimidate you. We aren't looking for skill as much as we're looking for potential.

If you're planning on coming out of if you just have questions, join the tryouts list by sending an email to

A typical Chicago Outfit practice

Jul 29, 2009

Stats People Wanted!

When your friends call you "OCD," do you respond, "That's a misuse of 'OCD.' How can a person be 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?'"

Or when your friends call you a "nerd," do you go into a ten-minute explanation on how the Riemann zeta function tattoo covering your chest has cultural significance that all people can enjoy?

Or when your friends call you a "dork," do you tell them to quiet down until you've finished calculating the VORP for all the players on your fantasy baseball team?

Or do you just really love roller derby?

The Chicago Outfit Roller Derby Stats Crew is looking for a few good "Bookies" to join them. Without these folks, bouts don't really happen. Various duties include scorekeeping, penalty-tracking, penalty box-timing, and other things dealing with those symbols you geeks call "numbers." And you're closer to the action than you think... you could even get lucky and find that a derby girl has fallen and slid head-first into your shins!

No prior knowledge of roller derby or its rules is required, but a willingness to learn the various ins and outs of the game is desired.

Email to find out more information on how you can be a part of the growing derby community!

And don't worry about Ogre. He won't hurt you.


Jul 27, 2009

Sweet Mary Pain Wins Gold

Congratulations to The Outfit's own Sweet Mary Pain for placing first in the 2009 Quad National Speed Skating Championships this past weekend in Peoria, IL. Sweets came in first in all three of her singles events (500m, 1000m, and 1500m) in the Classic Ladies division to bring home gold to Chicago.

Pairing up with Jason Countryman, her speed coach and fellow member of the Fleetwood Speed Team, Sweet Mary Pain also won gold in the Classic 2 Mixed Relay.

While no photo is available at press time, you can imagine her standing on the podium with a medal around her neck lookin' like a total dweebus.

Jul 23, 2009

The Syndicate Defeats Motor City Disassembly Line 155-40!

The Chicago Outfit Syndicate entered Saturday's bout hoping to continue their unbeaten run in 2009. Hosting the Motor City Disassembly Line (Detroit) in their third home bout of the season, the Syndicate quashed all ideas of a visitor upset, skating to a 155 - 40 victory in front of a large crowd of partisan fans at the Windy City Fieldhouse in Logan Square.

The first jam of the night was a small sign of things to come, as team captain Sweet Mary Pain grabbed lead jammer and a single point against Motor City's Combat Cat. After a 2 - 2 split between Chicago's Queefer Sutherland and Motor City's Effin Money, Sweet Mary Pain came back on the track to win Jam 3 with a 9-0 score against Jackie O'Noyoudidn't. Jam 4 finally went Motor City's way, as some good blocking helped Combat Cat score 9 points to Chicago's 0, bringing the score to 12-11 in Chicago's favor. Unfortunately for the visitors, this is the closest they would come for the rest of the night.

Chicago's defense, led by strong up-front work from pivots Gaygan and Smashley "The Spaniard" Destructo, shut out Motor City for 8 straight jams. Meanwhile, high-scoring jams from Queefer Sutherland (9 - 0 in Jam 7), Kim Mortal (10 - 0 in Jam 8), and Jennie Lee Von Slaughter (14 - 0 in Jam 9) helped Chicago go on a 47 - 0 run during those jams and take a 59 - 11 lead. Effin Money finally broke Motor City's scoring drought in Jam 13, taking advantage of a power jam to notch 3 grand slams and close the gap to a manageable 59-26. Before the half closed out, however, Chicago widened that gap again, thanks in part to a 20-point jam from Sweet Mary Pain. The Syndicate headed to the home locker room with a comfortable 87-26 lead.

The few Motor City fans in the crowd clung to their hopes of second-half comeback, but those were dashed as they watched their team only muster 14 points after the break. Meanwhile, Chicago continued to build on their lead with strong jams from familiar names Queefer Sutherland (9 - 0 in Jam 2 of the second half), Sweet Mary Pain (10 - 0 in Jam 11), and Jennie Lee Von Slaughter (9 - 0 in Jam 9 and 10 - 0 in Jam 15). Lola Blow capped the evening with a 4 - 0 win before the final horn signaled the end of the 155 - 40 Chicago victory.

Sweet Mary Pain led all jammers with 53 points, gaining lead jammer status in all 9 of her jams. The blockers ahead of her helped Sweets enjoy a +53 point differential against opposing jammers, meaning that—once again—the opposing jammers failed to score a single point when the captain was jamming. Chicago also got scoring help from Queefer Sutherland (40 points/10 jams), Jennie Lee Von Slaughter (33 points/4 jams), Kim Mortal (20 points/5 jams), Lola Blow (5 points/2 jams), and Graves (4 points/2 jams).

Chicago's defense continued its season-long domination, shutting out Motor City in 27 of the 33 jams of the bout. When they could break through the pack, the Disassembly Line jammers were led by Effin Money (22 points/11 jams), while Combat Cat (14 points/10 jams) and Elle Iminator (4 points/1 jam) were able to do their own chipping away at the lead.

The Syndicate, now 5 - 0 and winning each game by an average score of 144 - 50, is back in action Saturday, September 5, when they take on visiting Demolition City at the Windy City Fieldhouse. Tickets are now available online.

2009 Syndicate Bout Results

July 18 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 155 - Motor City Disassembly Line 40

June 27 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 170 - Pikes Peak Slamazons 36

June 6 (away): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 137 - Killamazoo Derby Darlins 55 (Recap on Derby News Network)

May 16 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 118 - Sonoma County (CA) 69

March 21 (away): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 142 - G-Rap Attack! (Grand Rapids, MI) 52

Record: 5 - 0

2009 Shade Brigade Bout Results

July 11 (away): Cedar Rapids Roller Girls 122 - Chicago Outfit Shade Brigade 43

May 16 (home): Chicago Outfit Shade Brigade 154 - Quad City Rollers 60

Record: 1-1

Derby Girl "Suburban" Car Wash

We love washing cars! You know the drill, come get your wheels squeeky clean as the Chicago Outfit Roller Derby scrubs and rubs the suds!

We'll be at Universal Transmission Specialists located at 9300 Grand Ave in Franklin Park.

The fun starts at 1pm!

Come join us for some good clean fun and FREE VIENNA BEEF HOT DOGS!

Jul 14, 2009

Shade Brigade Falls at Cedar Rapids

This past Saturday, the Chicago Outfit Shade Brigade travelled to neighboring Iowa to take on the Cedar Rapids Roller Girls. The Brigade never did get their proverbial footing established in the City of Five Seasons' US Cellular Center, finding themselves on the wrong side of a 122-43 decision.

This marks the first time a Chicago Outfit team has come up short this year. The Shade Brigade falls to 1 – 1 for 2009, while the Syndicate—the Outfit’s 'A' Team—goes into this Saturday’s bout against the Motor City Disassembly Line with a 4 – 0 record on the year.

Special thanks to members of the Quad City Rollers and the Old Capitol City Roller Girls for coming out and supporting us. The Chicago Outfit shirts they wore rang the bell of interleague support for all to hear across the land… or something like that.

Valerie of the Dolls (#67) gives some belt support while
Harley Dangerson (#1300cc) keeps the Cedar Rapids jammer at bay
(photo by Chris M.)

Jul 12, 2009

Jul 6, 2009

Photos 2009

Bout photos?

Bout photos!


Syndicate @ G-Rap Attack (Grand Rapids, MI) 03/21/2009

Shade Brigade vs. Quad City Rollers & Syndicate vs. Sonoma County 05/16/2009

Syndicate @ Killamazoo Derby Darlins (Kalamazoo, MI) 06/06/2009

Syndicate vs. Pikes Peak Slamazons 06/27/2009

Special thanks go out to SHOOT TO KILL for being the expert photographer at all our bouts!

Brush It Off: The Outfit Syndicate vs. Motor City Disassembly Line on July 18

Let's do it with text!

WHAT: Some body-poppin', moon-walkin', top-rockin' WOMEN'S FLAT TRACK ROLLER DERBY!

WHO: The Chicago Outfit Syndicate takes on visiting Motor City Disassembly Line in what experts are calling, "Ohhhhh snap!"

WHEN: Saturday, July 18, 2009. Doors open at 7:00pm. Bout starts at 8:00pm. Your socks get knocked on their ass at 8:01pm.

WHERE: Windy City Fieldhouse @ 2367 West Logan Blvd. Chicago, IL 60647. See below for a map.

WHY: Partial proceeds benefit the Howard Brown Health Center, so even if you're not going, you should buy a ticket.

Also, there will be beer for sale for $3.00.

But remember that this is women's roller derby we're talking about here. You and I both know you shouldn't be asking, "Why?" Apology accepted.

HOW: Tickets are $12 ahead of time and $15 at the door (this includes just inside the door, too... you have not found a loophole in our pricing policy).

Buy tickets online or visit one of our friendly vendors: Quenchers Saloon, Armory Chicago, Milios Hair Studio, or Uprise Skate Shop.

So we'll see you all there. Don't forget to bring an extra pair of socks.

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Boot Camp Starts Tuesday!

Join us for Roller Derby Boot Camp on July 7th, 14th, and 21st!

6:00-8:00PM at Fleetwood Roller Rink (7231 W. Archer Ave. at Harlem, Summit, IL 60501)

For more information, email chicagooutfit_newrecruits-subscribe at yahoogroups dot com.

Come to any or all of these sessions to ready yourself for tryouts on August 11th. (More info to come...)

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Jul 2, 2009

Roller Derby Car Wash

Come get your wheels squeeky clean as the Chicago Outfit Roller Derby scrubs and rubs the suds!

This time we're at The Pleasure Chest at 3436 N. Lincoln, Chicago, IL 60657.

Starts at 11am!

Come join us for some good clean fun, lemonade, and corn dogs (veggie ones too) & while we wash your wheels you can do some shopping inside The Pleasure Chest and recieve 10% off your purchase!

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Jun 27, 2009

Pikes Peak Slamazons vs OUTFIT SYNDICATE

JUNE 27 (Home) Pikes Peak Slamazons vs OUTFIT SYNDICATE
Doors 7pm / Bout 8pm
$12 advance / $15 door / $3 beer

Purchase tickets online here or visit one of our vendors listed on our website

Windy City Fieldhouse 2367 West Logan Blvd. Chicago, IL 60647

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6-8PM More details to come soon!
Fleetwood Roller Rink
7231 W. Archer Ave. at Harlem,
Summit, IL 60501

Jun 17, 2009

Car Wash This Saturday! June 20th!

Come get you and your wheels squeeky clean as the Chicago Outfit Roller Derby scrubs and rubs the suds!

Molly Malone's Irish Pub
7652 Madison Street
Forest Park, IL 60130

Starts at NOON!

Come join us for some good clean fun!

Apr 9, 2009

Mark Your Calendars for the 2009 Chicago Outfit Season!


JUNE 6 (Away)
Killamazoo vs.

JUNE 27 (Away)
Pikes Peak Slamazons vs.




Mar 4, 2009

Derby Madness Weekend!!!

Join us for not just one, but TWO derby events this weekend!

Friday, March 6th: Spaghetti Wresting Tournament @ Exit
Sunday, March 8th: Gimme da Gold derby bout @ Lynwood Roller Rink

Click on the images to enlarge.

Feb 24, 2009

Chi Outfit Dance Party @ Milio's - Feb 28th!

Join us for another fabulous Dance Party at Milio's!!! Saturday, Feb 28th at 9pm.

Bands! DJs! Beer! Jello Shots!

Milio's Hair Salon
959 W Belmont
Chicago, IL

Jan 19, 2009

Chi Outfit Fundraiser @ Memories - Jan 30th!

Come join us for a night of cool bands at Memories on Friday, January 30th. Drink specials! Raffles! Show at 9pm.

4358 N Cicero Ave
Chicago, IL 60641
(773) 286-8640

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