Jul 29, 2009

Stats People Wanted!

When your friends call you "OCD," do you respond, "That's a misuse of 'OCD.' How can a person be 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?'"

Or when your friends call you a "nerd," do you go into a ten-minute explanation on how the Riemann zeta function tattoo covering your chest has cultural significance that all people can enjoy?

Or when your friends call you a "dork," do you tell them to quiet down until you've finished calculating the VORP for all the players on your fantasy baseball team?

Or do you just really love roller derby?

The Chicago Outfit Roller Derby Stats Crew is looking for a few good "Bookies" to join them. Without these folks, bouts don't really happen. Various duties include scorekeeping, penalty-tracking, penalty box-timing, and other things dealing with those symbols you geeks call "numbers." And you're closer to the action than you think... you could even get lucky and find that a derby girl has fallen and slid head-first into your shins!

No prior knowledge of roller derby or its rules is required, but a willingness to learn the various ins and outs of the game is desired.

Email outfitbookies@gmail.com to find out more information on how you can be a part of the growing derby community!

And don't worry about Ogre. He won't hurt you.


Jul 27, 2009

Sweet Mary Pain Wins Gold

Congratulations to The Outfit's own Sweet Mary Pain for placing first in the 2009 Quad National Speed Skating Championships this past weekend in Peoria, IL. Sweets came in first in all three of her singles events (500m, 1000m, and 1500m) in the Classic Ladies division to bring home gold to Chicago.

Pairing up with Jason Countryman, her speed coach and fellow member of the Fleetwood Speed Team, Sweet Mary Pain also won gold in the Classic 2 Mixed Relay.

While no photo is available at press time, you can imagine her standing on the podium with a medal around her neck lookin' like a total dweebus.

Jul 23, 2009

The Syndicate Defeats Motor City Disassembly Line 155-40!

The Chicago Outfit Syndicate entered Saturday's bout hoping to continue their unbeaten run in 2009. Hosting the Motor City Disassembly Line (Detroit) in their third home bout of the season, the Syndicate quashed all ideas of a visitor upset, skating to a 155 - 40 victory in front of a large crowd of partisan fans at the Windy City Fieldhouse in Logan Square.

The first jam of the night was a small sign of things to come, as team captain Sweet Mary Pain grabbed lead jammer and a single point against Motor City's Combat Cat. After a 2 - 2 split between Chicago's Queefer Sutherland and Motor City's Effin Money, Sweet Mary Pain came back on the track to win Jam 3 with a 9-0 score against Jackie O'Noyoudidn't. Jam 4 finally went Motor City's way, as some good blocking helped Combat Cat score 9 points to Chicago's 0, bringing the score to 12-11 in Chicago's favor. Unfortunately for the visitors, this is the closest they would come for the rest of the night.

Chicago's defense, led by strong up-front work from pivots Gaygan and Smashley "The Spaniard" Destructo, shut out Motor City for 8 straight jams. Meanwhile, high-scoring jams from Queefer Sutherland (9 - 0 in Jam 7), Kim Mortal (10 - 0 in Jam 8), and Jennie Lee Von Slaughter (14 - 0 in Jam 9) helped Chicago go on a 47 - 0 run during those jams and take a 59 - 11 lead. Effin Money finally broke Motor City's scoring drought in Jam 13, taking advantage of a power jam to notch 3 grand slams and close the gap to a manageable 59-26. Before the half closed out, however, Chicago widened that gap again, thanks in part to a 20-point jam from Sweet Mary Pain. The Syndicate headed to the home locker room with a comfortable 87-26 lead.

The few Motor City fans in the crowd clung to their hopes of second-half comeback, but those were dashed as they watched their team only muster 14 points after the break. Meanwhile, Chicago continued to build on their lead with strong jams from familiar names Queefer Sutherland (9 - 0 in Jam 2 of the second half), Sweet Mary Pain (10 - 0 in Jam 11), and Jennie Lee Von Slaughter (9 - 0 in Jam 9 and 10 - 0 in Jam 15). Lola Blow capped the evening with a 4 - 0 win before the final horn signaled the end of the 155 - 40 Chicago victory.

Sweet Mary Pain led all jammers with 53 points, gaining lead jammer status in all 9 of her jams. The blockers ahead of her helped Sweets enjoy a +53 point differential against opposing jammers, meaning that—once again—the opposing jammers failed to score a single point when the captain was jamming. Chicago also got scoring help from Queefer Sutherland (40 points/10 jams), Jennie Lee Von Slaughter (33 points/4 jams), Kim Mortal (20 points/5 jams), Lola Blow (5 points/2 jams), and Graves (4 points/2 jams).

Chicago's defense continued its season-long domination, shutting out Motor City in 27 of the 33 jams of the bout. When they could break through the pack, the Disassembly Line jammers were led by Effin Money (22 points/11 jams), while Combat Cat (14 points/10 jams) and Elle Iminator (4 points/1 jam) were able to do their own chipping away at the lead.

The Syndicate, now 5 - 0 and winning each game by an average score of 144 - 50, is back in action Saturday, September 5, when they take on visiting Demolition City at the Windy City Fieldhouse. Tickets are now available online.

2009 Syndicate Bout Results

July 18 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 155 - Motor City Disassembly Line 40

June 27 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 170 - Pikes Peak Slamazons 36

June 6 (away): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 137 - Killamazoo Derby Darlins 55 (Recap on Derby News Network)

May 16 (home): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 118 - Sonoma County (CA) 69

March 21 (away): Chicago Outfit Syndicate 142 - G-Rap Attack! (Grand Rapids, MI) 52

Record: 5 - 0

2009 Shade Brigade Bout Results

July 11 (away): Cedar Rapids Roller Girls 122 - Chicago Outfit Shade Brigade 43

May 16 (home): Chicago Outfit Shade Brigade 154 - Quad City Rollers 60

Record: 1-1

Derby Girl "Suburban" Car Wash

We love washing cars! You know the drill, come get your wheels squeeky clean as the Chicago Outfit Roller Derby scrubs and rubs the suds!

We'll be at Universal Transmission Specialists located at 9300 Grand Ave in Franklin Park.

The fun starts at 1pm!

Come join us for some good clean fun and FREE VIENNA BEEF HOT DOGS!

Jul 14, 2009

Shade Brigade Falls at Cedar Rapids

This past Saturday, the Chicago Outfit Shade Brigade travelled to neighboring Iowa to take on the Cedar Rapids Roller Girls. The Brigade never did get their proverbial footing established in the City of Five Seasons' US Cellular Center, finding themselves on the wrong side of a 122-43 decision.

This marks the first time a Chicago Outfit team has come up short this year. The Shade Brigade falls to 1 – 1 for 2009, while the Syndicate—the Outfit’s 'A' Team—goes into this Saturday’s bout against the Motor City Disassembly Line with a 4 – 0 record on the year.

Special thanks to members of the Quad City Rollers and the Old Capitol City Roller Girls for coming out and supporting us. The Chicago Outfit shirts they wore rang the bell of interleague support for all to hear across the land… or something like that.

Valerie of the Dolls (#67) gives some belt support while
Harley Dangerson (#1300cc) keeps the Cedar Rapids jammer at bay
(photo by Chris M.)

Jul 12, 2009

Jul 6, 2009

Photos 2009

Bout photos?

Bout photos!


Syndicate @ G-Rap Attack (Grand Rapids, MI) 03/21/2009

Shade Brigade vs. Quad City Rollers & Syndicate vs. Sonoma County 05/16/2009

Syndicate @ Killamazoo Derby Darlins (Kalamazoo, MI) 06/06/2009

Syndicate vs. Pikes Peak Slamazons 06/27/2009

Special thanks go out to SHOOT TO KILL for being the expert photographer at all our bouts!

Brush It Off: The Outfit Syndicate vs. Motor City Disassembly Line on July 18

Let's do it with text!

WHAT: Some body-poppin', moon-walkin', top-rockin' WOMEN'S FLAT TRACK ROLLER DERBY!

WHO: The Chicago Outfit Syndicate takes on visiting Motor City Disassembly Line in what experts are calling, "Ohhhhh snap!"

WHEN: Saturday, July 18, 2009. Doors open at 7:00pm. Bout starts at 8:00pm. Your socks get knocked on their ass at 8:01pm.

WHERE: Windy City Fieldhouse @ 2367 West Logan Blvd. Chicago, IL 60647. See below for a map.

WHY: Partial proceeds benefit the Howard Brown Health Center, so even if you're not going, you should buy a ticket.

Also, there will be beer for sale for $3.00.

But remember that this is women's roller derby we're talking about here. You and I both know you shouldn't be asking, "Why?" Apology accepted.

HOW: Tickets are $12 ahead of time and $15 at the door (this includes just inside the door, too... you have not found a loophole in our pricing policy).

Buy tickets online or visit one of our friendly vendors: Quenchers Saloon, Armory Chicago, Milios Hair Studio, or Uprise Skate Shop.

So we'll see you all there. Don't forget to bring an extra pair of socks.

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Boot Camp Starts Tuesday!

Join us for Roller Derby Boot Camp on July 7th, 14th, and 21st!

6:00-8:00PM at Fleetwood Roller Rink (7231 W. Archer Ave. at Harlem, Summit, IL 60501)

For more information, email chicagooutfit_newrecruits-subscribe at yahoogroups dot com.

Come to any or all of these sessions to ready yourself for tryouts on August 11th. (More info to come...)

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Jul 2, 2009

Roller Derby Car Wash

Come get your wheels squeeky clean as the Chicago Outfit Roller Derby scrubs and rubs the suds!

This time we're at The Pleasure Chest at 3436 N. Lincoln, Chicago, IL 60657.

Starts at 11am!

Come join us for some good clean fun, lemonade, and corn dogs (veggie ones too) & while we wash your wheels you can do some shopping inside The Pleasure Chest and recieve 10% off your purchase!

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