Nov 25, 2009

Spotlight On... #138 Lola Blow

This week, we visit with Lola Blow, one of the most experienced veterans on the Outfit. Lola shows us she's a good sport by broadcasting her subconscious thoughts on diapers, celiac disease, and pretty much everything we never thought we would ever know about another person.

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: It was in 2005. Some crazy, hyper girl with red hair that skated for an old league called the Sirens ran up to me while I was somewhere in Logan Square and asked, "Hey, do you skate?" I replied with, "Uh... no... like skateboard?" And she goes, "No roller skate! I play roller derby. You should come check out our practice." She insisted I take a flyer. So I took one, went to a practice, and 4 years and 3 concussions later, I'm still skating!

Sports before roller derby:
I never really stuck with any sports before roller derby, mainly because I was always very small growing up, and for some reason, softball and volleyball coaches didn't think that smaller girls could be as good as those Amazon women. They never really gave me any playtime, although I most certainly didn't suck. I quit and joined roller derby. I showed them idiots.

Signature move:
Sandwiching the opposing jammer with my fellow teammate Smashley. We will both hip check you at the same time, and you'll have nowhere to go but on the floor. I also have a shoulder check that can knock anyone down.

Notable injuries:
Sprained knee, busted lip, three concussions, and a swelbow the size of china. Wanna see?

Best team derby moment:When we won the 2008 Fall brawl Tournament. We left undefeated. I think we all cried tears of happiness together. Then we drank a million drinks of happiness afterward!

Best personal derby moment:
Stealing a sign from a insane Jesus freak with my old teammate and homie Althea N Hell in Vegas after we skated with the Vagine Regime. [image kinda NSFW]

Worst personal derby moment:
When I peed my pants during a game from getting hit so hard. Believe it.

Favorite/rival non-Outfit skater:
Mayhemily. I'm always a Renegade at heart.

What you do when you're not skating: Obsessively research ways to be the strongest derby girl and live forever by taking Chinese herbs and vitamins.

Favorite drink:
Tequila gimlet, with fresh squeezed lime juice please! Oh and I love Kombucha - Ginger flavor.

Music you hate that everyone else likes:
Kings of Leon. They are too damn whiny, but everyone around me loves them.

Favorite song to skate to: 'Dookie Booty' or 'Poison' by Bel Biv DeVoe

Guilty pleasures:
That song 'Just Throw It in the Bag', and waxing my nose hairs

Give us some advice: STOP EATING GLUTEN. It's bad for you.

Tell us something you probably shouldn't:
I feel like peeing my pants during the middle of a game could have been kept to myself, but since I did, I'll tell you something else. I stopped shaving my armpits because they started smelling really bad after I would shave them. So now they are hairy...and not smelly! Oh, and I got a staph infection from my kneepads. It's fine now, but seriously... wash your pads all the time. Staph is bad news. I feel much closer with you now, reader.

Finally, draw yourself in MSPaint:

We... appreciate(?) your honesty with everything, Lola.

Come back next week for another skater's entry, hopefully with fewer references to pants peein'. No promises, though.

Nov 18, 2009

Spotlight On... #100 Smashley "The Spaniard" Destructo

Ah, the offseason. We can't watch them skate, so it's time to get to learn a little bit more about our skaters.
In our first installment of Spotlight On..., we meet with Smashley "The Spaniard" Destructo and let her go nuts with material that might come back to haunt her several decades down the line.

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: In April of 2007, I went to a [former Chicago roller derby league] Sirens bout at Lynwood Skating Rink. I instantly fell in love with roller derby and knew it had to become my life. I emailed the Sirens the following day to find out how I could get involved with the league.

Sports before roller derby: Softball, horseback riding, and kickboxing

Signature move: Anything with my ass ... hahaha, they don't call me 'Smassley' for nothing. But I would call my signature move "The Stunner." Your chest should never come in contact with my shoulder because you may think you're having an asthma attack.

Notable injuries: I've been lucky in the injury department. Six months after I started derby, I fell pretty badly from the pivot, Perky Set. My knee was injured and I had to go on sabbatical for 2 months. Besides that ... just bruises, some have been in places that they don't belong.

Best team derby moment: Both Fall Brawls that The Chicago Outfit attended. In the fall of '07, we lost every bout we played but our bonding was miraculous and our partying was even better. It was even sweeter when we came back the next year and won the tournament by being undefeated.

Best personal derby moment: When derby finally made sense to me and I didn't have that confused sensation any more. It was an 'Ahh Ha!' moment.

Worst personal derby moment: Playing against Rockford Rage in our first season. I was jamming full speed through the pack with I received an elbow to my sternum and it knocked me out cold. I blacked out and then began hyperventilating. It was super embarrassing.

Favorite/rival non-Outfit skater: Tin Lizzy from North Star Roller Girls... all I have to say is BAD ASS

Number of tattoos: Five, not including the cover up

What you do when you're not skating: You thought the girls on the track are hard... nothing compared to my first graders. I live a life of juggling my career as a first grade teacher, getting my masters as a reading specialist, and playing roller derby for The Chicago Outfit.

Favorite place in Chicago: I really enjoy going to New Wave Cafe (a great place to grade papers) and spending my Sunday mornings at the Farmer's Market with Suzie Crotchrot.

Food/movie/music you hate that everyone else likes: Vegetables/Dogma/Bjork

Guilty pleasures: Books about vampires. What can I say? It's sexy.

Tell us something you probably shouldn't: I just did.

Give us some advice: "For every negative, give three positives."

Finally, draw yourself in MSPaint:

(click to enlarge)

Stay tuned for more in the coming weeks, folks!

Nov 13, 2009

Join Our Family!

Feelin' bored? I can't really blame you. I mean... just LOOK at you. You're not a derby girl!

The Chicago Outfit is having rolling recruitment in the next few months, and we would be honored to release you of your boredom.

If you're interested, email Your reasons for not doing it are objectively bad.