Spotlight On... #7 Jennie Lee Von Slaughter

Do we stay home all the time 'cause you want me to yourself?
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Or am I locked away, had a feeling that I'd find someone else
Is that true? Is that true? Is that true?
Well, I don't like living under your Spotlight
Just because you think I might find somebody worthy
Well, I don't like living under your spotlight
Baby if you treat me right, you won't have to worry

As seasonal affective disorder is apparently starting to rear its ugly head, Jennie is here to show us that Slaughter is the best medicine.

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: In January of 2008, I got sucked into the awful reality show "Rock of Love." There was an episode that had a challenge involving roller derby, and this was the first time in my life I ever saw this! I researched this "roller derby" thing online until I finally found a league that seemed appealing to me (The Chicago Outfit), and I got up the courage to join in June of 2008.

Sports before roller derby: I ran track and cross country until I had surgery for anterior compartment pressure in high school, then I gave up on competitive sports until derby! I have also skied since 3rd grade and it actually helped me more in roller derby than one would expect.

Notable injuries: A concussion at practice. Avoid these if you are in college and have finals the next week; thinking + concussion = impossible.

Best team derby moment: I thought about this for like 2 weeks and I really don't think I can choose a specific moment. I think my favorite moments are (obviously) when we're bouting and when we travel together. Never mess with an Outfit skater because every single one of her teammates has her back!

Best personal derby moment: I would have to say my whole first season. When I compare my abilities now to where I was last year at this time I am astonished. I hope to improve that much every year, and looking at the over all improvement is what gets me through a bad week of derby more than one good bout can. Everybody has a bad day or week, or even a bad month, but if you look at the big picture it helps to get through the frustration!

Worst personal derby moment: Being on sabbatical for a month and completely falling out of shape. I wish we never ever had an off-season so I would never have an excuse to let myself rest!


Favorite tattoo: Van Gogh inspired almond blossoms on my back

Still-to-come tattoos: Salvador Dali clock on my wrist. The rest are secrets.

Food you hate that everyone else likes: I absolutely despise all forms of corn. Everything about corn is awful. This might be attributed to the fact that I grew up in DeKalb (a.k.a. Corntown), but I'd like to think that corn is solely to blame.

Tell us something you probably shouldn't: I watch Reality Television after I spent years making fun of people who watch that stuff! (I've learned not to judge.)

Finally, draw yourself in MSPaint: I spent an hour on this.

Watch out for those trees. If you don't impale yourself on the sharp glass that is inexplicably coming out of them, they might just up and fly away on you.
Let's all thank Jennie for her time. I hope you all return for the next Spotlight when we'll no doubt continue to critique people's skills in the worst computer drawing application currently in existence.

Would ya like to take a surrr-vay?

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but things have been getting plenty hairy around here.

All that aside, the Women's Flat Track Derby Association would like fans of roller derby (this means you!) to fill out a nice demographic survey so they can serve us better.

Please take 5 minutes out of your daily internettin' to pay their site a visit and fill out their nice survey. Be sure to mark down the Chicago Outfit as your league of choice. If we get around to it, we'll thank you in nachos.

Spotlight On... #67 Valerie of the Dolls

Welcome back. We've missed you, reader. It seems like it has been so long. Please let me know if you're going to be gone for that long next time so I can make sure the plants are always getting watered.
Today, we hear from Valerie of the Dolls, an Outfit skater who isn't aware of the new WFTDA rule allowing slapping (but only if the other person is REALLY MEAN). From the looks of it to the left, this seems like a young lady who really enjoys candy. Maybe she can someday score a sponsorship deal with Mike & Ike or something. In the meantime, can someone please let me know what kind of candy comes in that orange, plastic container she's holding? I spent all last night at the grocery store looking for it, as I really want to pick some up for my kids. Thanks.
On with the questions...


When/how you first got involved with roller derby: One of my best friends (Hayley Vomit) began playing with the Kansas City Roller Warriors, which initially got me interested in roller derby. My roommate and I heard that there was roller derby in Chicago and she took me to a game. When Haley was telling me about how to play I thought that I wasn't tough enough for derby but as soon as I saw it, I knew I had to play it.

Sports before roller derby: I played softball and was a cheerleader until my sophomore year in high school until I discovered cynicism, art, and smoking cigarettes. At my undergrad (Savannah College of Art and Design) I attempted to play lacrosse, which turned out to be a comedy of errors because I can't stand to run, and that's basically all you do in lacrosse.

Signature move: Vomiting at the afterparty, or when I get home, or in my hands, or out the car window, or ALL DAY the next day.

Notable injuries: I broke my wrist when I was a roller derby referee, but I haven't broken anything since I've been a skater. It seems referees are more in peril!

Best team derby moment: I loved almost every minute with my team at RollerCon, the laughing, the yelling, the heat and starvation! I was very proud that the challenge bout I put together worked out and was a victory for team CHI OR DIE! However, it was irksome that people didn't know we were a mix of women who have called Chicago our home at some point and thought the "Chi" was pronounced like the Chi that is the natural energy of the universe and not like our abbreviated Chi-Town.

Best personal derby moment: Winning "Most Improved" at our 2009 season awards. I really worked my butt off last season and it feels really good to know that my teammates noticed.

[Ed. note: Personally, I think the following picture should be up there among her best personal moments]

[But maybe it's only because it gives us this.]

Worst personal derby moment: When I was slapped in the face during game. I know roller derby is a full-contact sport, but come on people. It's A SPORT! You don't slap someone in the face because you don't like a particular block or something doesn't go your way. It was embarrassing and horrible! It's also very unprofessional and childish and it regresses what the WFTDA and skaters are trying to do for the sport of roller derby.

Number of tattoos: No tattoos on me! Although I have art that has been tattooed on two different people.

Favorite place in Chicago: I'm totally not a creepy, goth weird-o, I swear... but I love to wander around Rosehill Cemetery. I still can't find the grave of Bobby Franks! And I don't want any hints—I have to find it on my own.
For Chicago history buffs you will remember Bobby Franks was the innocent victim of the notorius, genius thrill-killers: Leopold and Loeb. If you don't know who they are look them up and learn something today!


Favorite piece of art: Kentucky Coffin Quilt

Guilty pleasures: Britney Spears, Third-Wave Ska, The Wigwam Villages (http://www.wigwamvillage.com), PBS Reality shows where people live in different time periods and have to act and live the way they did back then.

Tell us something you probably shouldn't: I cried when I saw My Giant.

Give us some advice: Everyone deserves a second chance!

Draw yourself in MSPaint:



That's our Valerie: always wearin' a helmet outside of derby, always playin' the piano without opposable thumbs, always goin' viral. Classic.
Thanks for the memories, Valerie of the Dolls. Please accept this children's placemat from a chain restaurant as a token of our gratitude. Do your best to help the Prime Minister of Burgertown find his way through the Mayonnaise Maze and back to Pickle Parliament!

Spotlight On... #14 The Joan Ranger

What's that in the sky? It's a bird! It's a plane! No... it's The Joan Ranger! Wait... Is her name not supposed to be a reference to Superman? Then I'm not sure I get it. Can someone help me out? Is it Batman?
Regardless of whatever esoteric reference she is going for, The Joan Ranger's background as an English teacher tells me I don't need to proofread her responses for spelling/grammatical errors. Anything you see can be blamed on the schools. Enjoy!

When/how you first got involved with roller derby: I was at The Whirlaway (a bar in Logan Square) with my friends Dave and Dan having a beer and talking about politics when Mexican Jumping Mean (a now-retired Outfit skater) put up a flier for a fundraiser party. I told her that I had been meaning to check out a bout, and she told me that I should join the team. I ended up going to the party and talking to a few of the girls; I was automatically impressed with the hospitality (especially Smashley’s jello shots). My first practice was two weeks later on January 27, 2008. [In her first response, she already properly uses a semicolon; we might be okay with grammar.]

Sports before roller derby: I was a benchwarmer on my grade school’s basketball and volleyball teams. I was always the little scrawny kid who worked really hard but was never any good. Right before I joined roller derby, I ran for fun and loosely practiced yoga.

Signature move: My favorite move is skating “spread eagle.” It sounds creepy, but it’s not. To do this move, both of my heels face each other, and my toes point in opposite directions. This maneuver allows me to dodge hits or continue to legally block ,with my back, a player who is almost around me.

Notable injuries: I herniated two disks in my spinal column in May 2009. That is pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy! I had to take a dose of steroids to grow the tissue back, and I went through about two months of intense physical therapy. The hard work paid off though because I have virtually no back pain anymore! Shoutouts to John at the Andersonville Athletico!

Best team derby moment: Winning the 2008 Fall Brawl – the team worked hard for that honor, and the energy was incredible.

Best personal derby moment: My first bout after my back injury is my top personal derby moment. Both Suzie Crotchrot and I had to miss the first two bouts of the season due to injury, and we were ready for action! At the after party, we both heard countless comments on our ferocity throughout the bout – our desire to win was obvious. In addition to that, I had 20 family members show up to that bout – it was a huge surprise.

Number of tattoos: Two: a Scrabble piece on my right ankle -the letter J, which is worth 8 points, and a love knot on the back of my right shoulder.

Favorite tattoo: The love knot is my favorite because it’s in memory of my mom. When I was little, she would let me wear her love knot earrings, and I took them in and had a replication done.

What you do when you're not skating: I am an English teacher, so I am constantly grading. I am also very involved with the school in other ways. I am a congressional debate coach, and I moderate the Pep Club (I get kids to go to sporting events and organize pep rallies). Outside of derby and school, I like to travel when I have the opportunity. Road trip, anyone?

Guilty pleasures: Late night snacks. Preferably fried and dipped in ranch dressing.

Give us some advice: Do your homework or else I'm keeping you after school!

Draw yourself in MSPaint:

Okay, this MSPaint image leads me to believe her name is a reference to Spider-Man(?). Can someone please confirm/deny this?
Thanks for your time, Joan. We'll call when we have decided on a candidate. Don't call us.